I was ASSAULTED by a GANG of OOMPA LOOMPA's

I was assaulted by an OOMPA LOOMPA!

Don't laugh....it's really not funny. I doubt I will ever be the same. Please take the time to read my tragic story so you can have a better understanding and educate yourself on these horrible horrible little people.

They may have beat me severly, taken my popcorn and my dignity with them....but before it was all over I was able to grab something of theirs!

Please Read on:

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It all started the night I took my girlfriend out to watch the new movie starring Johnny Depp "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". It was the first showing in town and the theatre was making a huge deal out of it. They were giving away chocolate bars, all the displays were made of candy and they even hired people to come in and act like oompa loompa's. Well I thought they were acting. It was no act folks. These little creeps are for real. Don't let their green hair and pasty faces fool you!

Their eyes are deceiving! Go ahead and click on them....' I DARE YA!

I don't remember much except for how hard they punched me!

I was buying some JuJuBee's (spelling?) and some popcorn. As my hands were full and I started to walk to the theatre where my girlfriend was waiting, I found myself in the middle of about 5 Oompa's and I giggled and said "Hey I've never been the tallest guy in a crowd before!" Well apparently Oompa's don't like short jokes and before I knew it I had JuJuBee's in my hair and popcorn was being crammed down my throat. One of these little creeps sucker punched me and stole my wallet! I had to call the Credit Card companies and explain that everything I had was stolen by an Oompa Loompa. I called my insurance company and now they have dropped me. Something about the fact that they can't insure an "unstable" person or some crap. Now I don't know if any of you have ever been beat up by a little person but it is very strange when it happens. I was laughing for awhile because I thought it was cute. And most of the onlookers were smiling and thought it was part of an "act" therefore I got NO HELP FROM ANYONE! After taking several blows to the head I realized that this was NO LAUGHING MATTER.

Now I'm in pretty good shape and I would consider myself to be "physically fit". I don't smoke and I was in boxing for 3 months when I was 14 years old. So I understand how to fight and all. But by the time I realized that I should be fighting back....I was already bleeding. They sounded evil too! They were not talking in their little cute voices. They were cursing like truck drivers and had no regard for human life! I kept thinking that I should look at their faces so that later I could give an accurate description of these mini jerks. But they were OOMPA LOOMPA's for crying out loud! I do remember that they all sported NIKE shoes similar to the ones pictured here. I was kicked several times with these.

I am running this auction for two reasons. One is that I want to auction off the Oompa Loompa's black box that I was able to grab from one of them and secondly I want to warn others that these people are on a mission to take over the World I think. They would have you believe that they are nice little happy people who only want candy and do not want any trouble. WRONG!!!! Oh they got my candy that night but they also took a lot of other things from me as well. To prove that they are working together in a massive effort please see the photo here. You can see this oompa is throwing down a gang sign right in front of the camera! How bold is that? It's a rather weird gang sign if you see it in person like I did. They contort their fingers in such a manner that they spell out the word OOMPA and then they stand on one leg and spin around. Why? I have no idea. Just keep your eye out for this type of behavior.

Here is the song that they chant right before striking!

Click "play" to listen to the Oompa Loompa Chant. If you experience any problems CLICK HERE

So after my girlfriend noticed I was not there for the WHOLE movie she came out to the lobby to see what was going on. Had she came out maybe an hour earlier I could have received more immediate medical attention. But who cares, I don't want to get off track here. I was able to go home several days later after the swelling and internal bleeding had stopped. I received several cards and flowers from family members and I appreciated that very much. The police did nothing for me and we got nowhere with the investigation due to the fact that every time I told them that I was attacked by a gang of oompa loompa's they would burst into hysterical laughter. Thanks to officer Dan though for not laughing as much.

They will hide behind trees, under tables and in other places where short people can fit. They have no respect for personal property and for heaven sakes LOCK UP YOUR DAUGHTERS, one of them got very "affectionate" with me while I was in and out of consciousness.

 Here is what looks to be some graffiti left behind my an oompa:

So after all of this happened I realized that I was able to grab a little black box off of one of my attackers.

It has some very nice items inside and due to mounting medical bills and the fact that I lost my job due to this, I am selling the box. Remember, the box only and anything inside the box is a "gift" from me (well the loompa's) to you.

I will give out clues periodically throughout the auction. Let me just start this off by saying that this group of little people are very well educated and organized. They are not POOR by any means. Thank God I was able to get this box from them and offer it here on ebay.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THIS OOMPA LOOMPA AUCTION

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Update 07/24/05

Wow there are a lot of anti-oompa loompa people out there! This is very encouraging and I believe that my message is getting out there. Somehow they found me though, the oompa's. While I was gone yesterday one of them actually came into my house and vandalized some things! How do I know it was them? Well who else would saw the table legs off of my tables? This is getting ridiculous. Maybe I should end this auction before they hurt me again. My door was locked and the only way they could have entered was through the little doggy door....man this makes me mad! Anyway, we are receiving many hits and emails from this auction and I thank you all. This has been a trying time on my family to say the least. My 11 year old keeps threatening to beat me up if I don't buy him a PS2 now.

Here is a note that I found on my dog's dog house this morning. But rest assured I am not going to let this scare me.

IF YOU HAVE NOT SAVED THIS AUCTION YET CLICK HERE TO DO SO NOW

Ok so my cat has not returned and I am a bit concerned about that. We are now on two of the Pulse pages. The Totally Bizarre Category Page and the Weird Stuff Category Page. That means that a lot of people are seeing and reading my message. I hope everyone is safe and I am accepting stories of your Oompa Loompa Encounters - Just click this link and share your story, it might make it onto this auction!

Jim writes us on 07/25/05:

"Rick I once went camping with some friends and we saw two Oompa's in a tree. We had been drinking heavily that night and we thought they were just really big squirrels. Well when we woke up we were missing our valuables and our hair had been spray painted GREEN! I know it was them and I hope your auction brings massive exposure to this issue that America does not want to deal with!"

Thanks Jim and keep positive and stay the course!

We currently have 2,449 with 13 bids. High bidder is BCE_Auctions! We have 370+ watchers and are storming our way to the MAIN PULSE PAGE! Don't forget to click here to watch this Oompa Loompa Auction. Here is the first CLUE as to what is in the Black Box:

CLUE #1       "Don't Spend It All In ONE Place!"

Where did these oompa loompa's get their song lyrics? From Marilyn Manson?

Here are the lyrics to one of the songs they sing:

OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DOO
I'VE GOT ANOTHER PUZZLE FOR YOU
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADAH DEE
IF YOU ARE WISE YOU'LL LISTEN TO ME
GUM CHEWING'S FINE WHEN IT'S ONCE IN A WHILE
IT STOPS YOU FROM SMOKING AND BRIGHTENS YOUR SMILE
BUT IT'S REPULSIVE, REVOLTING, AND WRONG
CHEWING AND CHEWING ALL DAY LONG
THE WAY THAT A COW DOES
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DAH
GIVEN GOOD MANNERS YOU WILL GO FAR
YOU WILL LIVE IN HAPPINESS TOO
LIKE THE OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DO

So it is obvious that these Loompa's do drugs. Don't try to take one down by yourself - TRUST ME! Contact your authorities immediately if you see one.
 

So many people have emailed me asking to OPEN the box so they can take a peek! I have no other choice but to let you all see inside.

A lot of things have been happening since my last update. First of all we have made it to the MAIN PULSE PAGE with over 2100 watchers now. I woke up this morning to see 24 bids and the high bid is at $202.50 thanks to Zues6969. This box is very cool and contains some very cool things. I must admit, those Loompa's have great taste.

Clue #2 is........the number 5!

I am receiving tons of emails from supporters and haters. In fact, here is a note sent in from Roy in Ohio:

"Rick, just a quick note to let you know that I have caught one! He was in my washing machine of all places....NOW I KNOW WHERE ALL THOSE SOCKS HAVE GONE!!!!! He has been turned in to the local police and it may just be one down but if we all work together as you have said, we can win this thing! Here is a picture I was able to snap before I turned the little guy over to authorities."

DON'T FORGET TO CLICK HERE TO SEE MY OTHER EBAY AUCTIONS!!

Rick, this past Wednesday after my 6 year olds birthday party, we all went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  I called a priest and asked him to condemn the evil film.  I would not even wish this movie on my worst enemy.  Early this very morning just before 4 a.m. I woke with cold sweat.  I stumbled in to my kitchen to get a glass of water.  I heard a strange noise in the living room.  Then i saw one of the little monsters scurrying out of the doggie door.  I quickly grabbed my high powered scoped fully automatic tactical elephant gun (illegal in 48 states and Canada and New England).  I turned the lights on only to see the barrel of a MAC 10(also illegal 12 states and 846 counties) in my face.  I managed to find refuge behind some metal chairs that were conveniently placed to my left.  I dove.... The MAC 10 rained a hail of 17 bullets (its full clip according to RS3).  I opened fire, suppressing them while my wife Helga flanked the enemy from the rear.  She fired a full mag. from her SAW (about 200 bullets per. mag.).  In that 18 seconds of terror we were able to cause 14 oompa loompa casualties.  My dog, Butch, suffered a mere flash wound, but not to worry him and his doggy friends have set up a patrol to rid the neighborhood of the menacing creatures of doom.  After the chaos ended the clean up began.  What we found was so disturbing that we had to sent our 7 year old daughter to her grandparents house.  We found demonistic murals on the walls and drawings of satanistic creatures on the balloons.  We found 22 dime bags of crack cocaine. This evidence (the MAC 10's and cocaine)  means that the oopa loompas are involved in gang warfare and and illegal functions.  I found one of these drugged up warlords clinging to life, I asked him why me? why my family? His only response was a bone wrenching, blood gurgurling squeal that seemed to be coming from his right ear.  Then he turned over only to reveal multiple White Phosphorous (also known as Willie Pete) grenades strapped to his abdomen.  I yelled "RUUUUNNNNN!!!" but it was to late. A white cloud of burning chemicals over 2700 degrees farenheight made its was through our house.  The only thing we still possessed were a disposable camera and the clothes on our back.

We now have the pictures developed and we have a picture of the satanistic creatures and there drawings.  This pictures may disturb you.

Thanks Chris. Your letter disturbs me for a couple of reasons. One, you and your family have way too much "fire power" in your house! Secondly, the pictures gave me goose bumps on top of goose bumps. This is just bizarre and I have no idea what the drawing means. The balloon freaked me out because it resembles my step mom.

Clue #3 will be given out as soon as the bidding reaches $300. We are very close and it's a GREAT CLUE!

WE ARE NUMBER 2 ON THE PULSE!!! LETS TAKE THE NUMBER ONE SPOT TODAY!!!!

This is the MOST WATCHERS I have ever seen before!!!!!

WE ARE NOW NUMBER ONE ON THE PULSE!!!!!

Ok I have decided to add two clues since we flew over the $300 mark so fast! Clue #4 has a photo with it.

Clue #3 is......."Cross All Your T's and Dot All Your I's"

Next clue will be at $400

Clue#4......."What's yours is yours and what's mine is yours!"

Only 2 days left! I should have put a RESERVE on this!

SON OF A  @*&%$*#!!!!